K, full disclosure - I just got dumped. Like literally, just. And it hurts, and it sucks and all of the horrible things that come along with your reptilian brain reacting to 'abandonment' and rejection.
Not super fun.
Wanna know what is fun though? Getting. Over. It.
I wouldn't have been saying this just 3 short days ago but as my mama promised me every day gets better and more clarity appears with each conversation and rising sun.
The details, ins and outs and who's 'responsible' are irrelevant for this blog's purpose. That would just be gossip and probably an attempt to clear pain via my blog.
This...this is about speaking about the steps that a no bullshit, conscious and self-loving woman takes to mend a broken heart and move forward with more wisdom, more conviction, less unnecessary heart-ache and come out on TOP!
1. Call every person you know
Literally call every person you know who can hold space for you in the way you need them to. Let go of guilt that you're being needy, a true friend will have deep empathy for you and process the shitiness of it all with you a million times over. It helps to shift your perspective from being "OMG what just happened?" to "Girl, get focused and move the eff ON!"
2. Book a session with your therapist
I don't get people that don't go to therapy. Sorry, I'm just being honest.
Therapists are not there to judge you or tell you how shitty you are. They're there to help you get clear on what didn't work and why so you don't repeat the same patterns.
Who wants to keep going through heartbreaking breakups? Definitely not meeeeee!
3. Don't look at pictures
Seriously. What were you thinking?? It's never a good idea - even 6 months later it will hurt. Remove your FB profile pic and clean up your Insta, but leave the iPhoto cleansing for when you've found your new (and dope-ass) man and are happy. No need to pour salt on that wound.
4. Keep busy
In the first week of a breakup DO NOT sit at home and Netflix and chill. Get out to coffee shops, do your work elsewhere. See old friends, visit family, go to movies, dinners, distract yourself! 'Cause I believe that brewing on the pain only amplifies the pain. Sit with it later, when it's not so intense and painful.
Your nervous system will thank you.
5. Make the moves you need to MOVE ON
Change the billing, cancel accounts, find the new apartment, let people know who need to know. Cut the cord, the quicker the better. Don't oscillate thinking it may be better to wait in case things work out...if they're meant to work out in the future they will, regardless of whether you took the appropriate steps to protect your heart in times of vulnerability.
(But seriously, don't wait around thinking it will work out. We all feel for that girl, don't we?)
6. Say what you need to say
Everyone wants to be all Eckhart Tolle in life. Let go of the ego, feel no human pain. I call bullshit, sorry. I'm all for spiritual elevation in life but sometimes we need to be human, tell our exes what they've done to break our heart and process that shit however it feels natural to.
Say what you need to say, sister. It's good for your soul.
7. Use some of your vacation time
If you are crumbling and feeling like you're barely able to shower without breaking down, take a day (or 3) off. You're no good to anyone when all you're thinking about is your dog you no longer cuddle with every morning and how life just did a 180 in like, a minute.
8. Roll with the punches (working out, eating, blowing off some steam)
If you need to eat pad thai, have a glass of wine and skip the gym, do it. You won't die. Don't forget about it altogether but shelf it if you need to. Again, your nervous system will thank you!
9. Consider what's best for you (animals, living quarters, tough convos with landlords etc)
This is a BIG and tough one. Animals, homes and stability can pull at your heart strings. Make sure your decisions are what's best for you and think about what your life will be like in the future then be sure you're ok with that.
10. Reflect on why it happened and learn from that
I frigging LOVE learning about human psychology and our innate needs in order to operate at our highest level. It's so interesting to me to know that others have spent the time to research and develop coaching material that helps others understand themselves more deeply so that they can live healthier and happier lives....What angels!
Below is an image that my mentor/coach/dear friend showed me the other night when I was feeling very confused about how and why it all fell apart.
If you look at each stage it's important to feel that you are receiving these things from your partner in order to feel happy, safe, secure, in love, valued and appreciated.
I did not know this before. Now that I do, you better believe it's my f-ing screen saver.
11. Consider CBD for anxiety and sleep
Ok, have you guys gotten on the CBD train yet? CBD is the non-psychoactive part of the marijuana plant meaning you won't get high. Instead, you receive the medicinal benefits of the cannabinoids which are often reduced anxiety, improved sleep, increased productivity, improved gut health and a reduction in inflammation.
Having a hard time focusing, sleeping and not wigging out? Maybe do some research and learn how this plant medicine may be able to help bridge the gap for you during the dark times.
PS it's going legal here in Ontario in just a few months!
12. Don't get trapped by the happy memories
It's normal to reminisce of the love you had, but remember the tense - 'had'. Things got bad for a reason and what I've learned is that you cannot ignore those red flags. The best advise I've received so far is that things should be as you want them to be right from the get-go. If there are red flags early on pay attention to them and walk away....you can't (and shouldn't want to) change someone.
Breakups suck. Our primitive selves are stuck in fight or flight afraid of braving the wild sans tribe and protection. The truth is we're dope as fuck Xennials living in the 21st century with consciousness, perspective, gluten-free snacks and uber eats. We can get through anything.
Remember, we are one in 7 billion spinning on a ball of dirt in the middle of something called Space! It's just a blip in time and the next chapter you can create! How do you want it to look? Who is walking with you through this life? How does it feel, where are you going, what's the energy like?
Write it out. Make it happen. We are built to grow and evolve - now go get it <3
In good health + happiness,
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