I've been injured and its affecting my gut health and body composition. Not fun when you're on a workout and nutrition program to do just the opposite.
I've been gaining water weight and haven't been able to workout in days. It brought up a bunch of old gremlins that still appear sometimes when I'm under a great deal of stress.
As a recovered addict I expect these occurrences to happen (addictions rise when under stress) and when they do I follow a series of practices to manage my energy and stay in a positive and self-loving state vs going back to old patterns and addictions.
I talked in depth about my experience with self-hatred and how I manage it here.
I was an abused kid
I developed addictions, anxiety and depression at a young age
I hated myself when I looked in the mirror - Always.
I hated the way I talked, looked, thought, acted, expressed creativity - I literally hated everything about me.
Getting from that place to where I am now took work. A lot of work. But it's paid off and every minute, tear and penny was worth it.
Now as an empowered woman committed to consciousness and self-love I have a new process I've settled into nicely.
My 4-Step Process to Stop Self Hate
1. Recognize the negative thought pattern
2. Release self-judgement (I just do it)
3. Replace it with self-compassion, empathy and love
4. Repeat (as many fxcking times it's needed)
Self-hate, negative thoughts and beliefs about self, perfectionism and aaalll of that amazing stuff that helps us experience brighter brights may never completely go away (would we really want it to anyway? My best learning comes from difficult times), though it can be managed.
In my experience it becomes less intense, less often and less painful because you know you can get through it ... you are a true warrior.
Sometimes, well, more like very often - I practice inner child work as well. I'll visualize my young self (she's always 9) and I'll connect with her and give her whatever she needs. Whatever.
A hug, a punching bag, scream partner, cry partner ... I'll stroke her hair, laugh with her - anything she needs I provide.
This creates such a deep sense of self-connection that gives me a long-lasting dopamine rush from a truly healthy place.
I've simply replaced the negative (drugs) with a positive (self compassion).
The hardest part of making this an effortless and regular occurrence? For me it was believing I was worth it. And man, that was an onion to peel...There were definitely a lot of tears.
Losing unhealthy weight is a great goal, getting stronger is a great goal, looking better is a fxcking great goal! We just have to make sure we're also working on that internal fitness, too.
Be well with Hope,
Cassandra Hope CPT + RHN
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